You haunt my dreams

In the middle of the night as I stir awake, I dream of you. Always the same dream. Everything the same. You. Me. Us. When I wake up though. Each second after is different. More recently I awoke in a panic. Searching for you. Finding nothing but emptiness. That day, I longed for you. I know you must’ve seen me. I know you. From all angles. Not the one I want to know you from though. I wish I could caress your skin. Touch my lips to yours. Just to know you. More of you. More of the promises we once made. I once made. I know you’ve seen me. After 10 years, I warned you that I was not the same. Far from it. You reassured me that you would love me regardless. I know you must’ve seen me; as I rushed out of the brightly lit shop at 7am. You must’ve. I know I saw you. I saw you turn and look. You must’ve seen me. You must’ve seen that my warning was real. That you could not commit to the real me. The far from it me. You must’ve expected something different. I’ll never know what. If I keep you in my mind. Hoping one day, that I will either forget about you completely or that one day I might get to love you; then I might stop these nightmares. It’s a nightmare, you see. When I wake up I am not alone but I am not with you. When I am so wrapped up in wanting to know you more but you’re just out of my reach. Maybe if I give up, just this once. But you must’ve seen me. You must’ve realised that you could not love the unlovable. I warned you, if only you had listened. If I could only stop my heart from breaking. If only we never put any effort into this. From the beginning. If I could turn back time, I’m not sure if I would choose to stop wanting to know you; because as heartbreaking as it is, it gives me hope. Hope that one day I might get to see you, even just a fleeting glance. Not just the pics I see on Facebook. Not just the years of stalking I go through. I saw you. I am sure you saw me. Just as my heart breaks, I know seeing me broke yours.

Be warned,

The Unlovable

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