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Mommy, you don’t spend any time with me

This is the phrase I so often hear. From the mouth of my one and only child. A 4 year old. These words do not spill from her mouth at dinner time but rather at an appropriate 20h35 and we end up spending the next 20 minutes talking as my eyelids close for they too, are tired. Many a night we cling to a warm water bottle with tears streaming down our face because we are sad and always for the same reason. I have even brought up the issue of adding a daddy to the equation but last night I was given a life lesson because having a daddy is too sad. I guess that’s what 4 + years of being fatherless does. Makes it sad. I have even tried bringing up her father. Just so that she knows that it is not her fault. There are many nights I hear more than just those words. They all hurt. They always do but I am doing my best. Every day. At 4, 2 months shy of turning the big 5 she is quite bright and I am happy that she is progressing into a little person anyone who would be proud of but those moments. Those moments of complete heart shattering sadness is what kills me. It hits me right in the heart. Doubting. Questioning my abilities as a mother. Yes, I am good enough but am I good enough? Where am I failing that we face the issue on a daily basis? How much time is enough time? What am I, as a parent, doing wrong? 

As a parent, what is something your kid/s say that makes you think “what now?”

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