I have been off the grid for awhile. Pushing sponsored posts and re-posting old posts in the hope that you wouldn’t notice my absence. It’s not so much that I don’t have anything to say but more that I have become too busy and find that I have little time for the “get me through” things. My struggle is private. Not many people, friends even, know what is happening. Yes, they know but they don’t know the extent that it has now reached. It consumes my almost every thought. At a moments’ notice, bringing me to tears. I try to keep it together. At work and most importantly at home. I draw my strength from the Lord and after losing yet another close friend,I find that I don’t have many options right now. I wish I could talk to someone. An actual person and not my screen or my own thoughts. I just need to vent. I need to scream and cry. I need to not be ok. Even if just for a tiny bit. A simple request. 5 minutes, that’s all. For years I haven’t asked for anything and the one time I need something, the one time I needed you to step up, you’ve left me dissappointed and crushed. Again. It’s been 2 long years. I cannot do another 2. I am tired of wasting my time.