Honesty · Random Posts · Rants & Raves

Disgusted

This post will be short & sweet

A revelation o f sorts

Today I had a look into a full length mirror

At myself

The fat me I am not able to see in my basic ass mirror

A size 14

One child

27 years old

I saw all my bodily imperfections

“Is this what I look like?”

“Is this what you all see when you look at me?”

I know my face is fat and I know I need to lose a few, but that glimpse, that momentary glimpse was all I needed, internally, to lose my fuckin shit

I went batshit crazy, in my head, silently

I had a revelation

Things bulging and bouncing when I wasn’t moving an inch

Things hanging where they should be taunt but not tight

I should look like what I think I should but I should not look like this

I should be proud of what I look  like naked but even I wouldn’t want to sleep with myself

I was disgusted

I am disgusted

I need to make a change

This is not one of those “I will diet for the first week of January 2016”

This is an realisation

My naked body in a full length mirror is fuckin revolting & I am not looking for sympathy

I am looking for you to recognize that this is the first time I have seen myself naked, completely

I wanted to throw something at that mirror

To crack it

Clearly with a belly so big, so sucking in is not working

Something needs to happen

Something needs to change

I have to stick to my words

I have gotten much bigger than what I was a year ago and even though I might never be as pretty as I want or as thin as I want ; I know I can start somewhere

 

Not so much of a rant post but thanx for reading

 

Here’s a Christmas tree for the time I’ve wasted 🙂

 

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2 thoughts on “Disgusted

  1. We are always hardest on ourselves. It’s good to get real with yourself, but then do what you can to get where you want to be and remember to respect that your body gave you a wonderful little human. Hmm … I might be lecturing myself here. Good luck to you on getting back to your best self!

    Liked by 1 person

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